Tuesday, September 29, 2020
Hey, You …
I was going to write about my exercise-tracking watch and how I’d lost it (I think … probably in this house, somewhere). I was going to segue to how we track and count things, instead of enjoying the experience.
My mind had already pivoted to how I was going to tie my watch to some real feelings I’m feeling right now; or, as my favorite Blue Jay would say, my emotions talking.
But my computer kept shutting down Word.
Everything else, mind you, is operating just fine. It was only Word unhappily coming to a halt, then a close, halt, close, halt, close.
You should know enough by now to know at least these two things about me: 1) I obsess a bit over something I’ve lost, until I either find or replace it; and, 2) I would never believe it a coincidence my computer was wholly uncooperative in helping me author my first intention.
I came to accept the intent had poor quality.
The Universe knew.
Yes, some real feels right now. Some real emotion. Because I, like you, am a real person. I am therefore required to use my words and to always exercise the highest quality of my intent.
Never to harm. Never to injure.
And, of course, I can sit here and declare Oh, I neeeeeva would harm or injure on purpose. Neva eva eva.
Remember how I always tell you, to own what you know that you know.
Sometimes things unspoken are the loudest things being said.
You know when someone is communicating to you … I am in pain … I don’t know what to do … I need you.
I stand in full understanding, an ethereal knowing my work will always be in sharing what I can spare from my life that is good and love-filled. And, I stand in full understanding knowing I was born with a boundless capacity to love and to forgive. You were, too.
I had a good example. So, I have no excuses. Rest in peace, Papi.
I can’t hide behind literary gymnastics and pretty sentences to escape seeing and feeling pain, sadness, disappointment, regret.
There aren’t enough synonyms in any reference book in any language to express grace, humility, and understanding.
I don’t know enough vocabulary, and hope never to learn what it means to not forgive.
One thing I can salvage from the missive about the watch is the power of observation. Because, isn’t it what that little machine becomes, anyway? A little observation deck where we post ourselves and our hopes and our energy and our … intentions.
I can benefit from standing in observation.
Iyanla Vanzant challenges us in Acts of Faith when she asks … What is the quality of your intent?
And if the intent is not spilling over with integrity, love, forgiveness for self and for others, and understanding … then a shut-down is the only thing to surely follow.