All By Myself (and Corona)

Monday, March 23, 2020

10:14PM

 Hey, You …

I am writing to you from a cross-legged seat on my bed, in week two of social distancing because of the coronavirus.

As a matter of fact, just today, the Governor closed all non-essential businesses.[1]

There are so many words and feelings stuck in my body.

I can’t even begin to tell you the ways in which this virus has changed my life and, I’m sure, yours too.

And, if you know me at all, you know it’s my birthday month.  And, I celebrate the entire month and in to April to finish the Aries season, as an excuse.

When I think about it, type about it, dream about it, I immediately feel profoundly selfish and guilty. The nerve of me to lament about not being able to have my birthday soiree and shower my loved ones with gifts, as I love to do on my birthday …  a celebration of another year of life and love all around me.

Guess what.

I’m PISSED I can’t have my birthday soiree.  I’m super bummed I’ll probably be right here – in a cross-legged seat on my bed – on my birthday, because restaurants, bars, etc., are decreed closed until further notice.

I am distraught the movie theaters are closed.

I feel lost I can’t go to the gym or to the yoga studio.

Really, God?  Really, Universe?  Really?

Clearly, the response is, Yes, really.

So, I’m left with … me.

Perhaps a notion scarier for me than I’d calculated.

I then started paying a little more attention to the discomfort I was feeling in my hips … the body’s repository for stress.  Even my shoulders had been sending physiological messages of angst and fear; blaring messages I dismissed as too many chaturangas and too much sugar.

No … my body was telling me what I wouldn’t slow down to appreciate … I am not okay with what is going on right now.

It’s scary and I am afraid. 

I got some ‘splaining to do … to me.

Why – with all I do, all the time, in all the places I go to do it – I hadn’t, and have not, counted myself as my best company.  When had I scheduled time – any time – to take care of myself.

Exactly when did I become deaf to my body.

It took a virus?

Really, God?  Really, Universe?  Really?

Yes.  Really.

So, as I learn, relearn and unlearn a lot of things in this time I have to spend with myself, I am going to say the following to myself, every day.  And I’m saying it to you now …

I hope you are safe and well and virus-free.

I hope you are practicing the most exaggerated, ridiculous, indulgent, insane amount of self-care and self-love, right now.

I hope you’ve bought all the lotions in CVS and/or Target you’ve ever wanted to try.  And, I hope they were on sale.

I hope you ordered something wildly over-expensive and unnecessary you’ve had bookmarked in your browser for the last thirteen months.

I hope you’re watching Netflix as if you’re going to be tested on it.

I hope you’re taking long walks outside and I hope you are looking up at a bird every now and then as you’re walking.[2]

I hope you tackle your queue of books.

I hope you volunteer to help someone else in whatever way you can.

I hope you ask for help

I hope you like yourself.

I hope you love spending time with yourself.

I hope you pour yourself a cocktail and take yourself to dinner, in your kitchen.

I hope you are safe.

I hope you know you are loved.

XOXO

Meechie

P.S.  I’m sharing some of my favorite free yoga resources in case you’re motivated to start or continue your home practice.

YouTube

Willow Street Yoga

Yoga with Brando

Yoga with Adriene

Yoga Heights Georgia Avenue

Yoga Collective – first month free with YOGAHOME code,

     $3.99 after first month


[1] Liquor stores are considered essential … there is a god.

[2] Natalie and Yetta are haters.


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