No Body

Wednesday, July 17, 2019
7:51 PM

Hey, You …

Recently, I sent myself an email message, as a reminder for something. All of the info was in the subject line. (Yep, one of those … you’ve done it, too.)

When I got the email on the other side – after I’d forgotten, which is why I ingeniously sent myself a note – the message showed up in my email list with the sender listed as me and then the words, no body.

Lately, I’ve been having a lot of body issues. Maybe I’ve always had body issues, and I am now just more conscious and more aware of my thoughts and what I say to myself.

I’ve gained there. I’ve lost there. I need to build up here. OMG, my hips. My quads are doing too much. Googling a 30-day core challenge. My butt. My back fat. My this. My that.

A bunch of terrible things I would never say to my best friend. In fact, I’d tell my bestie to hell with the racist, misogynist messaging, and let’s go to Cold Stone, on me.

I don’t tell myself that, though.

And the more I don’t celebrate my own body, obsessing over what I need to do and not do, for, about, with my body, the more I actually have, no body.

No access to my own body.

No agency over my own body.

No joy, grace or pleasure about my own body.

No body.

Somewhere in this head of mine, I’ve told myself my body is supposed to look like something other than it does. The evil joke is the “something other” is never really defined.

But what lands, on all fours, is the other side of that thinking: I don’t like my body, as is. I am not enough.

No body.

There is always something more, something else I have to do. Another class I have to take. Another mile I have to do.

No body.

The Best Diet for …

No body.

Calculating cardio and weight training ratios for …

No body.

I’ve replaced my body with a web of negative thinking, in action. A personification of magazine articles and Pinterest saves featuring the latest lists for How to Get Rid of ** Whatever ** in 30 Days.

Olympic-caliber striving to improve, change, reconfigure, tighten, loosen … no body.

So … remember when I told about all this exercise I’m doing. And, don’t get me wrong, I do love to exercise, early in the morning and outside (Army leftovers) when the air is clean and birds are singing.

But, what I’m learning to love more, every day, is my body.

My body.

I have a body.

It’s not in magazines or in free weights. It’s not on my step or calorie counter. It’s not on the track or in the yoga studio.

Guess what, not in my hips, thighs or back fat, either.

My body is in this head of mine.

And, that’s where you’ll find both us … taking care of each other.

At Cold Stone. Ha!


P.S. … I want to shout out my friend and mentor, Natalie Miller. Natalie is a phenomenal life coach who constantly challenges me to change my thinking. Please visit her website for some motivation from my favorite Blue Jay.

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