Hey, You …
Something happened recently.
Something is always happening, right? That’s why the gods of my understanding made me a writer … because something is always happening.
Something happened recently that knocked me out of myself. When I was in Yoga Teacher Training, one of the critiques after a practice class was I wasn’t María Elena. I was meek and my voice, my tone, my instruction was tentative and unassured.
I wasn’t being Meechie.
This thing that happened knocked me out of my Meechie.
I’m not going to tell you what the thing was. Because it doesn’t matter.
What matters – to me, anyway – is I can look squarely, honestly, and with a lot of love and compassion for myself, at the thing and recognize I was out of my Meechie.
I was not in my business.
I was all caught up, all tangled up, all cerebrally and emotioned up in someone else’s business, someone else’s purpose, someone else’s dharma … and drama … someone else’s whole thing.
And, all of it, of course, had nothing to do with me.
Even factoring in the thing affected me, yes … It. Had. Nothing. To. Do. With. Me.
Isn’t this the hardest to learn and to accept?
When she lies to you. When he betrays you. When they don’t include you.
How is it not about me? We ask ourselves.
We micro-examine intent. We reenact conversations and interactions had and not had. We Google, Facebook, Shazam, or find an app to help us with the why and the why and the why.
We tell every friend alive and who will listen, “rehearsing the drama,” as my friend El used to say; our souls privately hoping for a release in an affirmation from someone who loves us.
It’s easy to stay in negative thought and toxic self-speak.
Anger can be delicious, huh?
Instantly gratifying, it serves a lot of energy and, with the right audience, can also conduct a lot of energy.
Problem is, it’s the same negative energy just making its rounds; overwhelming every vehicle of conduction it touches, rendering them damaged.
Ultimately, it always come back to accepting one of the basic tenets of the universe, of our lives, and our lives here with each other … The Thing That Happened was none of my business.
The Universe just handed me a good, swift kick in the butt behind The Thing That Happened.
And, once I finished all my drama rehearsals, I was left with the echo of me.
Me, myself, and I, alone, with my own energy and emotional momentum to either stay in the mental and emotional home I’d made for The Thing That Happened or far away from it and everything I’d told myself it meant, about me.
I couldn’t let The Thing That Happened define my Meechie.
The Thing That Happened is not me.
The Thing That Happened is not Meechie … is not María Elena … and could never come close to being so.
The Thing That Happened is just the thing that happened.
And, I’m grateful it did.
Because I had to realign, reconfigure, re-new, all of the power, energy, joy and fortitude I know I have and recommit my resources to the most important thing that has ever happened for me, to me, in spite of me, because of me …