Danger!

Monday, January 21, 2019

9:44 PM

Meechie Mail #1

Hey, You …

I’m afraid of driving in the rain. 

I’m afraid of spiders … petrified.

I’m afraid of being underwater (not sure what that’s about, but likely has to do with hair and such).

I’m afraid I’ll fall again at the track.

I have other fears here and there.  They might be characterized more as minor phobias – Meechie-isms – little things people point to and say, “She’s so crazy.”

I never thought I’d be afraid to succeed.

Recently, I was extended an opportunity to expand my yoga instruction experience, profile, mistakes, successes, everything.  And, my immediate reaction was fear. 

Usually, fear motivates me.  I’m a weirdo in that way, I guess.

Fear generates something deep inside me, I can even feel my gut rumble a little … and then I attack.

Not that day.

The thing I most fear, I decide, will end up fearing me.

My answer was, “Maybe … ummm … well … maybe … no.”[1]

And, as soon as my fingers finished typing out my fear, my stomach started to rumble.

I wrote back and said I’d changed my mind and my confidence, “I can do it.”

And, I was more scared than before.  One milliontimes more scared than before.

But my soul knows on the other end of fear, is triumph.  And, that rumble in my gut is the first siren, the first thing that heralds to me, Meechie, you got this.  You can do it.  You will do it.  Because you are afraid.

And, guess what y’all … I did it. 

And, I felt triumphant. 

I did it.  I did it.  I did it. 

I want to share with you what I’ve been meditating on after this experience.

My strength doesn’t come from my belly rumble and attack approach toward a challenge that, at first, I measure bigger than me. 

My strength comes from standing in my own two feet, with all my joy, love and energy, all the support the Universe graciously gives me every day, and being able to declare, “I am afraid,” and moving forward, anyway.

Everything I want to pursue and accomplish with the gifts I was born to develop and share, make me afraid.   So, I’m going to be working on finding my strength somewhere in there … gotta find my belly rumble … so I can attack.

Scared as hell.

Attack.

Scared.

Blessings.  Love.  Grace.  Support.

Scared.

Attack, Meechie.

Scared.

I can do it. 

I will do it.

Triumph.

What are you afraid of?  Tell me about it.

XOXO

Meechie



[1] This is paraphrased for dramatic effect.

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